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lyrics

young bag of bones in an old man’s mode
wearing tux out of luck on downward slope
working holiday parties and auctions
passing out drinks, picking up glasses
meanwhile my first true love gives me a call
tells me that she knows she was wrong about it all
I go to my girlfriend and tell her the truth
but then I see her cry, I don’t want to lose her too
so I go through December being honest with both
going back and forth trying to suppose
that I’m the auctioneer auctioning myself off
moving through the crowd as the flashbacks taunt

and I think of the girl who I wanted to teach me
to be as cool as I dreamed that I could be
me and Chris went to Warped Tour to give to Dicky Barrett
a sign that said “Jen Rocks” to take a picture of him holding it
to grocery store we go to develop right away
waiting on the curb Chris told me that day
he might have gotten his girl pregnant and might go to Austin
I pretended in predicament I had once been
the pictures came out just a blur not good enough for her
and anyway this other guy was about to say first
what she wanted to here, she was the auctioneer
we was bidding I was missing I heard her thoughts saying

bidder #1 thank you very much
bidder number two thank you very much
bidder #1 yelled a high number
but bidder #2 yells out another
to win focus that could be so significant
both claiming to be the only one to understand
I’m switching and comparing I can’t consider love
the last time I did I came out fucked up
I’m stalling so not to make a choice
it’s true that only one will lead me to rejoice
I’m the auctioneer taking two lover’s bid
tapping on container opening the lid

I met Sean back in February
one night out drinking he said do you trust me?
we went to Club 94, a gay bar on the I
I grilled him about the how and the why
because Sean was a fag and I was a virgin
we both had labels of outcast perversion
a friendship formed to last beyond
all the blue collar bullshit that cut his rest off
it got me wondering why my cherry was unpopped
maybe I was in the closet afraid to come out
a weight lifted when I asked the question out loud
even though I was straight, it felt so good to doubt

when I finally got lucky and tricked someone
I got her into bed but I couldn’t get it up
so I put my clothes on and again undressed
and fooled her that it was spontaneous
I was in her for a minute, she got right up and called
Planned Parenthood to get a pill to flush me out
then a car crash happened because I stayed
in my hometown after the sign to leave came
because I almost died I had to mark the time
change my name and make summer into a borderline
make everyone in the middle an auctioneer
trying to find the real me, if they really care to say

bidder #1 thank you very much
bidder number #2 thank you very much
bidder #1 the old guard stands
but bidder #2 drains it out again
you gotta ask yourself now if you’ll yearn
to have years and years of life away to burn
justified by wisdom that you might gain
from digging deep down to accept change
consequences should be treasured and embraced
if you’re different than you thought don’t be ashamed
just once from the wreck now you’ll survive
as across ocean another same way dies

I asked Liz the nurse why my heart did stall
was it nicotine, cocaine, E maybe it all
she said it might be just a little murmur
and when I had to know I asked the doctor
at the same time my dad was in the hospital
while my heart was beating slow his almost stopped beating at all
I found out I went out and bought liquor
for a wild redhead Irish teeanger
we got drunk and high and went for a drive
she got an underage ticket I dodged the DUI
Liz my sister told me”don’t stay too long” my brother
after working side by side with me all summer

when I came back in town for Mike’s funeral
enough time had passed that I could ride still
with Katie and Kelly in the backseat
coming back from Mt.Prospect
to mourn in peace
me and my sister always used to laugh
about the guys Katie dated on the restaurant staff
one after other in those couple of years
I heard back, kept track of all of the tears
that taught her how to be an auctioneer
whether right left or down middle to steer
or to listen for those bids
offering no pain as the difference

saying bidder number 1 thank you very much
bidder number 2 thank you very much
at the feet now of the auctioneer
the highest bidder will make the past disappear
what you love about one you’ll find in another
in the next one it might be stronger
it won’t be same one you’ll keeping having
each one will help you find the final strength
you’ll look back in old age and see the link
who will ride through harbor and who will sink
there won’t be a reason not to love all
choice won’t matter and the auctioneer will fall

credits

from The Katie Sermon, released August 25, 2006

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Sam Russell & the Harborrats Seattle, Washington

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