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Letter to Paul Auster

from The Youngest Sister by Sam Russell & the Harborrats

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lyrics

the preacher rambles on at the ceremony
I’m living in a flash-forward memory
as a child imagining his sister at alter
the twist of retrospect and living causing heart to halter

I am the narrator controlling the flow
moving out of tunnel in which creature’s eyes will glow
a slight of hand the author practices
to exploit every instance of coincidence

the old sifting pattern perfected
debate between the theories projected
the wedding will be setting of the play’s intermission
the sticky southern air only missing her presence

hey Paul Auster won’t you take care of my baby
hey Paul Auster maybe take her out for coffee
if you walk down Willoughby and both make the same turn
maybe my favorite author can be watching over her

I listen for the songs played in the background
throughout rehearsal dinner cutting through the combined sound
to bring up calm contained at center of connection
to feel her grace from far away without feeling abandoned

a way to know you’re dreaming is to look at the clock twice
if it doesn’t say the same time, you’ll wake up tasting rice
riding back to bed and breakfast drunk in the backseat
my sister and fiancée upfront looking for right street

my love flew out last minute for the audition
I ran with my cell phone listening in kitchen
I wanted her to come with me to keep panic at bay
and pose for picture with my sister on her wedding day

hey Paul Auster won’t you take care of my baby
hey Paul Auster help her get up on the marquee
I’m singing out to you because I can’t sing to God
even if I had the faith I haven’t used it in so long

I wish I didn’t notice the judgment every time it passes
from all my sister’s friends and relatives glances
my 8th-grade best friend called out of nowhere to tell me
that he just married some girl cause God didn’t want him to be lonely

he said God didn’t want to be lonely, God didn’t want me to be lonely
God didn’t want me to be lonely, God didn’t want me to be lonely

you mentioned Kenosha in two books and I asked you why
at the book signing you said to read the only book of yours I hadn’t tried
your grandma shot your grandpa in my hometown and your father
was cut off all his life, his communication faltered

paddle deeper through downtown, overflow will soak socks
time travel may occur from a creaking porch swing as it rocks
you don’t know what to wish for, where or what to call a home
time’s running out better get back and face family alone

here comes the shore, closer and closer
peripheral sees water wetting all the parellels
the opposite of optimism vs. the epic of the everything
oh that ferry back and forth, how love to hear her sing

hey Paul Auster won’t you take care of my baby
hey Paul Auster listen to her music carry
past your open Brooklyn window heading out for Seattle
ducking all the epiphanies raining down to kill

duck upstairs from reception to the white walls and linen
caught between the confrontation and happiness to be had
she writes she loves me in the snow, stops at first letter of my name
after I make fun of her and make her think that I’m ashamed but

God didn’t want to be lonely, God didn’t want me to be lonely
God didn’t want me to be lonely, God didn’t want me to be lonely
God didn’t want to be lonely, God didn’t want me to be lonely
God didn’t want me to be lonely, God didn’t want me to be lonely

can each loose thread be traced back directly to the source don’t ya
end up with nothing if you pull and try to force
the answer into light before it’s ready to view
before every variation is ditilled into precious few

if I can’t wrap this up, I’ll say you can’t always either
you trapped the man in vault and could not get him out as the writer
but you made your inability center of story
admitting failure as possible way to glory

but Mr. Auster you must consider
that the man in vault could have gotten out to be with her
I put that book down knowing there was still a solution
so tell me you were wrong if you think I’m proving it

hey Paul Auster won’t you take care of my baby
hey Paul Auster keep her safe for me to see
in the meatpacking district tonight now 3 AM
yeah you write out the prayer and I’ll sing it as a hymn, I’ll sing that

God didn’t want to be lonely, God didn’t want me to be lonely
God didn’t want me to be lonely, God didn’t want me to be lonely
God didn’t want to be lonely, God didn’t want me to be lonely
God didn’t want me to be lonely, God didn’t want me to be lonely

credits

from The Youngest Sister, released November 11, 2007

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Sam Russell & the Harborrats Seattle, Washington

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