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The Year of the Cow

by Sam Russell

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1.
gonna run a marathon get body lean and strong to help grow and focus not slide back and regress by laying around, wishing sad and wondering about years already gone gonna run a marathon gonna run a marathon no longer be a pawn find the moral that’s fair abandon formal prayer create ceremony that means as much to me as trying to talk to God gonna run a marathon I was a Christian until I became a man had to leave the shelter of faith, helplessness understand see angel in the light like when as child I’d lie in bed and fear I had of hell’s flame was like a gun to the head gonna run a marathon cue up the starting song train through the dark days that always come our way for once fight being sick and not just quickly quit wake up and face the dawn gonna run a marathon gonna run a marathon and turn the memories off from whispers in the head just more weight that to be shed over and over words say I still try to hurt and that I won’t move on gonna run a marathon I know the struggle blocking what we tried to build all you say that stops us then is what will stop me still I wanted you to do what she did, bring me down to earth instead of seeing world from up on cross with a gun to the head it was like it was like a gun to the head it was like it was like a gun to the head it was like it was like a gun to the head it was like it was like a gun to the head terror everyday was fed of disappointing all of them eternal pain is where sin led all a gun to the head she came along that was when she said it would be different life can be lived free of dread without a gun to the head gonna run a marathon run the road that is long think of life as a race where no step should go to waste pace myself for long haul hold onto her, not fall ‘til reaching summer lawn gonna run a marathon gonna run a marathon and prove the old church wrong that said it couldn’t be done way back when I was young with no belief you’re alone and in heaven have no home path to damnation’s drawn gonna run a marathon you were the child with weak legs that had to wait I was the child whose parent’s love from Lord above couldn’t separate she made me hate the way they tried without having to hate them she stepped towards me, took my hand, took the gun from the head it was like it was like a gun to the head it was like it was like a gun to the head it was like it was like a gun to the head it was like it was like a gun to the head
2.
on my birthday we boarded train and smiled at start of ride fleeing routine for first time only you and I untangled headphones soundtrack view that shifts as we stare all the passing fields holding cows in fresh farm air and I held your hand in motion pulling forward we couldn’t ignore and I felt myself letting go of all that had come before the weight lifting away in layers that your presence painlessly peeled and we were reborn in a moment torn from all of these passing fields in your hometown we stood on green where a shot once started a war I’d search your face for all you wouldn’t say, hoping words would soon out pour I couldn’t explain what separates us from where we couldn’t go I’d only say something vague for the answers we didn’t know and on Christmas, your mother welcomed me as part of you and family and after all the gifts were given out you just sat next to me silently knowing that we were just pretending that what we had wasn’t already ending and soon you would have to yield and surrender to all these passing fields and I used to be the one saying it’s over and I had nothing left to offer and there you’d be in front of me crying and I’d feel the emotion proper when the doubt made me insecure you were the one that always seemed sure track would hold the turning wheels that carry us through all these passing fields when we first met, we lived so close and I’d leave as you’d start to sleep you’d say wait, beg me to stay but I had a lonely room to meet when you awake, you’ll graduate and start your first real job I’d sit you down carefully and say remember we’re just having fun and yet we breathed in ceremony and saw our future in rising shapes and you laid by me on my birthday, from our bodies we rose and escaped tapping into a higher power that together as one we could wield and be the light that flows and to one source goes through all these passing fields
3.
Monkey Trap 05:36
you can set a monkey trap anytime you get lonely and if you catch a monkey you’ll have a friend so easily you can set a monkey trap in kitchen basement or your room but if you forget trap is there the trap won’t trap the monkey the trap will trap you Wyatt is the name of a boy who lives near Washington D.C. his best friend is a monkey a monkey whose name is Monkey all around Washington D.C. there’s monkey traps everywhere hidden even if a sign says, ”No monkey traps here” to every rule, there’s an exception and then a big net will fall down, scoop the monkey up he’ll be stuck inside, crying for help but no one will come, he’s got to eat his dinner there and learn to hang around himself Daniel is the name of an evil cow evil cause he’s a boy and most cows are girls you find around he’s not so much evil now as just misunderstood he’s kind of selfish, kind of lazy and though he’s not evil, he’s not always so good he visited his nephew his nephew’s named Balloon who lives near Washington D.C. with Wyatt and a monkey named Monkey too he says “I want that monkey” Wyatt says “You can’t have him” Evil Cow says “Give me that monkey with me he’s coming back” Wyatt says “But he’s my best friend” Evil Cow says “I don’t care I want a monkey of my own” and Wyatt says to him “Evil Cow get out of here!” and Evil Cow comes back disguised as a chicken named Frank and says “Hello my name is Frank Wyatt I’d like to thank you for taking care of Monkey who belongs to me he just fell in your monkey trap but now I’ll take him back and take him home with me” but Wyatt’s not fooled he sees the black-and-white spots that many a cow gots he know it’s Evil Cow he sees with fake chicken beak he says “No no no no no Monkey belongs to me!” then Evil Cow gets mad and sets a monkey trap chases Monkey round the room, and yells out a MOO! when he steps in his own trap, gets caught in his own net and Wyatt says to him, “Evil Cow that’s what you get!” if you try to be someone you’re not to get what you want you’ll find that in the monkey trap you fell if you try to take what’s not yours, the conscience will be a monkey trap filled with guilt of to tell Elizabeth’s the name of my sis who goes by Liz and Elizabeth’s the name of my friend who goes by Beth and all around there’s Zoe, Allison, Libby and Bobby Jean all my nicknames for Elizabeth other than Betsy and Betty Biz, Sissy, Tibby, Wizzy and Lizzy, Isabella and Izzy all these Elizabeths, they make me dizzy and Katie is the name of a girl that I once knew when my sister Liz left home, I missed her so Katie became like a sister too and now Kate is the name of the sister of my friend but my friend is not a Liz my friend is a Beth Beth and Kate have a nephew a brand-new nephew named Reid Evil Cow says, ”Maybe they’ll give Reid a cow and name it after me” and Wyatt is the name of my very own nephew who will learn there’s monkey traps in life that try to grab and try and capture you the world weaves a web, ties it around everyone we met we’re all connected yeah it’s true and the voices in your head of cows, family and friends will help you put together all the clues you can set a monkey trap anytime you get lonely and if you catch a monkey you’ll have a friend so easily you’ll go on adventures together but if you’re not careful they’ll lead back to monkey trap that snaps and then you will be stuck hanging upright by your feet back to the monkey trap that snaps and then you will be stuck hanging upright by your feet
4.
I am the ghost removed from the love that you once held me in I am the voice of the woman that you wanted to be perfect and now you have her, and now you have her but you keep me hanging around your dreams are a swinging door that I drift in and out of I am the girl that you missed for so long and gave up on in your youth when you met me finally as a man fantasy became the truth you said you loved me, you said you loved me and forever by me you’d stand then you let your grip slide away and I slipped right through your hands I am the ghost that keeps reciting words over and over she once said I am the sadness you let linger on to recall a love that’s dead and now you have her and now you have her so leave me be and with her move on or else she’ll be the ghost that’s haunting you if you don’t admit I’m gone
5.
6.
not the obvious choice, hidden in plain sight the one you keep looking back on in all the lonely nights when you’re feelin’ lost on of one life’s rural routes call me up to save you from being too far in the south you were twenty-two, she was just eighteen summer ended, you hadn’t yet left and suddenly in her saw me when you moved away, you declared love in letter sent you’d take train back, she’d pick you up from station with her boyfriend after the funerals you thought it was your place to keep her innocence intact and keep her free from all heartache you wanted so much to hear my words from her mouth I need your help, I’m broken down and stuck too far in the south” as a man you sat by bonfire in the county in the backyard of the family that hosted the church gatherings in their house you saw a picture of me on the wall the little blonde girl you once played with and since tried to see in them all she’s a single mom now tending bar in the city you want to go right out and find her and see if in her you see me but I left her body to drift in air, become the one you wanted when the one you had just wasn’t enough the girl forsaken, soul saved in memory only one possessed in present could ever be your destiny you’ve failed to hold onto then and ever since keep letting me break your heart even though I don’t exist crying out to me in your weakest state of doubt “I need your help, I’m breaking down and stuck too far in the south” maybe you’ll end up with me after all I’m the reward to be reached after a lifelong slow crawl put the seed in soil and watch the tree grow tall in the backyard that will fill up with all the brightest leaves to fall
7.
can’t find piece of puzzle sick of being frustrated hating all our little patterns you first loved but then felt trapped in you’re so scared of the future you’re so scared of the here and now when you wonder why we are together, you don’t try to believe in the year of the cow when we’d try to talk about death you’d get angry and your opinion wouldn’t defend in desperation you can’t admit to a sign that could tell you we could make it through the end but your sister’s hero, your sister’s hero was the same as my own and I prayed for a youngest sister to forget the one that wouldn’t come home back to the church that inside did replace back to the church with those lovers I did create with an alter to burn to wait for her return back to the church I wasn’t trying to convince you of a deity ruling above it’s just that toy we made up voice for is same creature as the year we fell in love I’m come to see you and I’d grab him make him dance and sing to make you laugh somehow I escaped with you, I blocked voices with his to use in what became the year of the cow I question each belief I hold to make sure I’m not still just doing what I’m told the church kept relating there’s no missionary dating you can’t love with purpose of trying to save a soul but your sister’s hero, your sister’s hero wrote the hymn to what you became to me more than just a youngest sister by choice not by destiny we are the church say the voices in the head we are the church they say always reminding of a death to answer to and a heaven we could lose without the church every night when the towers came down me and Sean would go to Lenny’s Lounge, hold ground close the place with George, out on I-94 between a Day’s Inn and Denny’s, a dive bar ignored if you went up the jukebox and played Springsteen and the song that came on was “Bobby Jean” George would take break, pour beer, sit at end of the bar and sip slow while starting to stare off far and say ”I wish I had a Bobby Jean someone to go back to in my memory and long to be with and long to see and say oh how I miss my Bobby Jean” but those that don’t exist reside with the dead they haven’t had chance to come to life yet they’re kept there by path blocked, both so far from reach you say, ”I wish I had a Bobby Jean” coincidence can be a virtue tell us things we do not know put more than one of them together you got yourself a miracle but you won’t let evidence sway or let your world revolve around how heart is wowed you don’t have to believe in a God for me just believe in the year of the cow
8.
Mirage 04:44
if you don’t take me back I’ll have to believe that all love is just a mirage if you don’t look in my eyes and love for you see then all love is just a mirage it’s a mirage that nothing bad is happening in the world it’s a mirage all that matters is you lost the girl it’s a mirage you must solve your own problems first before solving a bigger one that’s worst my friend Sean loved someone who tied a noose around his neck they had to wake him up in the dead man’s bed Sean was told his lover went to where no one from returns he heard song outside from a passing bird go away little sparrow, spare me your barrage I know all you really are is a mirage if you don’t read what I write, I’ll have to believe that all words are just a mirage if don’t hear what I sing and believe everything then all words are just a mirage it’s a mirage that everything broken will be fixed it’s a mirage that truth and lies never will be mixed it’s a mirage that family will always be around and that those we love won’t let us down when her mother got sick, I asked San for advice he had to watch his mother too slow from cancer die the problem isn’t the sickness is what Sean said problem is ability to know the end go away little sparrow, spare me your barrage I know all you really are is a mirage if you don’t show me feelings well then I guess that it means that all hope is just a mirage but if there’s one left that you know, please let it be shown or all hope is just a mirage it’s a mirage that everything is going to be better it’s a mirage that we are all going to live forever and you will admit we could be happy and you’ll say again you love me I’m so sad to think of you and all that you’ve been through and that my comfort you couldn’t use but pain felt between partners can’t just be turned off even if the pain you say is my mirage go away little sparrow, spare me your barrage go away little sparrow, spare me your barrage go away little sparrow, spare me your barrage go away little sparrow, spare me your barrage go away little sparrow, spare me your barrage I know all you really are is a mirage I understand now how life can seem like darkness covered by mirage after mirage and what if thought of death as a peaceful end is really too just a mirage?
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about

"The Year of the Cow" is the most atypical of the Harborrats' albums in being primarily hushed and serene. It chases the transcendent stream-of consciousness of Van Morrison's "Astral Weeks" and elegant introspection of Dylan's "Blood on the Tracks" to become its own idiosyncratic noble effort.

credits

released October 30, 2012

Sam Russell-vocals & guitar
Kate Noson-vocals
Ken Nottingham-upright bass & harmonica
Michael Spaly-fiddle, mandolin, banjo & vocals

Dave Forrester-percussion on 3
James Apollo-piano/vocals on 5
Allison Tulloss-vocals on 5 & 7
Shelby Earl- vocals on 7
Nathan Wade-vocals on 7
Noah Strom-piano on 6, pump organ on 7
Scott Andrew-vocals on 7
John Tomlinson-accordion on 6, 7
Isaac Chirino-snare drum on 7
Johnny Sangster-Hammond on 7

all songs by Sam Russell
except "When I'm Gone" by Michael Spaly &"Talk About Heaven" by Tim Gearan
"Whatever's Left" by Zoe Muth
Recorded by Johnny Sangster @ Crackle & Pop, Seattle, WA. and James n' Sam's house

Mixed by Johnny Sangster @ Avast! Studios

Mastered by Ed Brooks at RFI Mastering, Seattle, WA.

Special thanks to Johnny Sangster and Kate Noson

and thanks also to Justin Roeser, Brett Josephs, Carey Rayburn,
Carlos Tulloss, David Delmar, KEXP, Rick & Rachel @ RFI, Lincoln Barr, Lulu Gargiulo, Mike Prince, Rebekah Clinger-Prince, Angie Prince,Cassie Hibbert, Allison Ormsby, Elisabeth Aker, Kayleigh Kleiva, everyone else

and thanks especially to Linda Webb & family, Sean Lambrecht and Mom, Dad, Nathan, Liz, Kathryn, Dennis, Wyatt, Austin, Hank, Ernie
& Jack

Cover photo by Catherine Michalski. Layout and design by Tom Pappalardo for Standard Design.
c)KMV Records 2013. Made in Seattle. All Rights Reserved.

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Sam Russell & the Harborrats Seattle, Washington

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